All Apologies

My life is just a long series of apologies. At my place of work, I apologize to hundreds of people every day for taking up their time, asking inane questions and tricking people who are generous of spirit into answering them. Socially I apologise often and profusely for my clumsy feet, inept manners and disappointments brought on by my poor economy. The less said on the subject of intimate relations the better, but there are many apologies involved, I assure you. Politically I often deny and almost always withhold my deeply held convictions in order to appease others.

I live in a country that has prospered by avoiding war and conflict, appeasing everyone else and walking down the path of least resistance instead of acting out of principle. A country where crime is blamed on social context, car accidents are blamed on the roads or on alcohol, suicides are blamed on social services, world poverty is blamed on free individuals freely dealing with one another, unemployment is blamed on employers and illnesses are blamed on food. In other words, society as a whole is blamed for all the ills within it, and we all accept blame, apologise and promise to do better next time.

I am not a masochist. Rather, the apologism that dominates my life is a result of lack of self-confidence. Or lack of self-esteem. I am unable to tell them apart, all I know is that I have neither. The solution is not to stop apologising, but to choose a life where I reach my full potential.